Silencing the Company Minions — A Robsten & Hamlet Parody Teaser
Photo courtesy of Entertainment Weekly
Photo: James White
SEQ 01. INT. Office Lobby. A man and a woman in black pantsuits are seated on a sofa.
COMPANY MINION #13
Why is my number 13? Everyone knows it’s an unlucky number.COMPANY MINION #12
13 comes after 12.COMPANY MINION #13
Not necessarily. I remember the Chinese skip the number because they believe it’s bad luck. I rode an elevator in Chinatown once and it didn’t have the number 13.COMPANY MINION #12
What do you mean?COMPANY MINION #13
Like I said. You press 14 because there’s no 13.COMPANY MINION #12
You mean if you wanted to go to Floor 13, you press 14?COMPANY MINION #13
No.COMPANY MINION #12
What do you mean no?COMPANY MINION #13
13 doesn’t exist. So there’s no 13th floor.COMPANY MINION #12
That’s ridiculous. You can’t just make a number disappear. It would cause chaos.COMPANY MINION #13
13 hasn’t actually really disappeared. They just skip it.COMPANY MINION #12
You can’t skip numbers. It goes against the numbering system.COMPANY MINION #13
But the Chinese do it.COMPANY MINION #12
After 12 is 13.COMPANY MINION #13
Yes, after 12 comes 13.COMPANY MINION #12
Good.COMPANY MINION #13
Or 14.COMPANY MINION #12
This is—
An office assistant in an identical black pantsuit opens a side door.
ASSISTANT
The President and VP are ready for you now.
Company minions 12 and 13 stand up hurriedly and follow the assistant.
Lorna Lopez aka TheBachelorGirl Notes
There is a conspiracy theory right now that’s ongoing in The Twilight Saga world involving Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, hence Robsten, which has inspired me to start writing a film script that’s based on Shakespeare’s Hamlet. I was also inspired by the utterly brilliant play of Tom Stoppard — Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead
I had the utmost pleasure of being the Player for one performance of the Tom Stoppard play during the celebration of the British Council Arts month in Intramuros several years ago that was directed by Joshua Spafford.
And, in an uncanny mimicry of the play, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, I cannot remember, even when we were doing Hamlet for Jaime del Mundo, whether I played Rosencrantz or Guildenstern. Joel Trinidad, my ‘partner in crime,’ would get confused as well.
The conversation above is based on a real one that took place when I rode in an elevator for the first time that didn’t have the number 13, and, I was aghast at the gall to remove a number! 
Last couple of points, I thought it would be nice to have a teaser here in TheBachelorGirl, where a handful of theatergoers might have actually seen Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, and would most probably appreciate the debate.
And, forgive my boldness for even writing this parody, but, let me immediately humbly declare that my efforts will be a pale almost transparent shade of an utterly brilliant luminous piece of work.
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